What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
