even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
