Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
