So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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