she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize