hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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