So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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