Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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