i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
