that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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