MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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