Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
