Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
