Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
