Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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