You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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