girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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