All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
this hospital has no fireball
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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