He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
