Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you will always have a special place in my vag
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
don't judge my taste in strippers
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
