does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
