If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
