I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
