I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
