That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
