Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
