yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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