I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
