Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
