nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
