I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
