I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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