Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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