Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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