"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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