its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize