This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
