My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
