I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
