and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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