do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
