hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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