I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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