The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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