So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
