I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
