The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
