walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Is Oprah even human
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize