You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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