im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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