i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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