apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
