Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
