Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
