We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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