halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
