she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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