At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think your dad took our porno
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
