he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Randomize
