I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
