im about as happy as oj after his trial
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
