Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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