I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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