just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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