I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
