dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
