We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
