Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
