Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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