haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
