I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
