OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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