I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
