My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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