I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
