There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
